This Time it’s Personal

Recently, on Twitter, I received this tweet in my mentions column:

@ReikiAwakening Reiki is just faith healing without the faith. Witchcraft in other words. We foremost promote REAL alternative medicine.

I don’t follow (on Twitter) the person who challenged me in this way, nor have I had any previous interaction with him. When I receive tweets like this, my first instinct is to try to explain that Reiki is real. I did send two tweets back in response, and then my dear rational friend Sophie Lhoste told me to block him. I did. Sophie reminded me that what we put our attention on increases, and what we ignore decreases. It was wise advice.

This came on the heels of two days of being challenged by another Twitter member who is a scientist and kept tweeting at me to explain what I do in scientific terms. I tried, unsuccessfully, to put a logical, rational explanation out there of what Reiki is, how it works, what I experience, and so forth. Eventually, after this person kept asking me repeatedly more probing questions, I found it impossible to explain. I’m not a scientist. I’m not a faith healer. I’m not a witch. I am a Reiki practitioner and a teacher. (I feel like I’m in a Star Trek episode, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a Reiki teacher, not a scientist!” Bones said that once, didn’t he? ha).

It brought me to a realization and a little source of frustration that Reiki is not something that always has predictable or measurable results. I can intend for the energy to do a certain thing (relieve a headache, remove emotional blockages), and it may do that. The only way of knowing that it did is by getting the feedback from the recipient that he feels better. I can often get energetic “dings” when I scan a person’s energy, alerting me to imbalances in a certain area when I’m giving a Reiki healing. I respond to those “dings” by directing the energy there as I am giving the healing. But the only way I know for sure if it worked is when I hear back that the person feels better. I don’t always know what the outcome will be, although I nearly always get a response that there is relief of some kind after a healing session. That consistent validation keeps me confident that Reiki helps. But it’s not an exact science, like pinpointing an issue with a laser beam and watching the changes occur through a microscope. It’s not visible. It’s subjective. And different results happen for different people, because needs are very individual. So it’s hard to explain that to someone who wants a concrete explanation.

My mother-in-law was recently discovered to have a 5-cm tumor on her left lung. It was discovered accidentally. She underwent a battery of tests, both external and invasive. Yes, it’s what you’re thinking it is. And it may have spread. I’m not saying the word here. That’s because I don’t want to put more energy into the word or make it a self-fulfilling prophesy. As Sophie said, what we put attention on increases. That isn’t to say I’m ignoring this, not at all. But I’m also doing all I can not to feed it.

Which brings me to the next point, regarding the vagueness of Reiki. I mobilized all of my Reiki friends and put in a request with the Distance Healing Network to send my mother-in-law healing energy. Another Reiki friend and I did a combined healing session for her, visualizing wrapping that tumor in healing energy and shrinking it. We sent light to her immune system. We worked together, feeling the energy flowing strongly.

Scans showed there was no change in the size of the mass. It did not grow, it did not shrink. Still there. Weirdly, biopsies came back inconclusive but the doctors feel the need to do more invasive biopsies because the scans showed the cells are active and spreading. I have no idea if or how all of this Reiki is helping. That’s my frustration. She is still anxious and having trouble sleeping. The mass is still there. More tests and forthcoming treatments are planned. It’s as if nothing made a difference.

Am I expecting miracles? Well I’d like to think that I could do SOMETHING to help. Yes, of course I’m there, taking her to appointments, offering support, love, presence, reassurance. But I’m blessed with the ability to do Reiki for a reason, and I want to use this gift to help someone I love so dearly! She wants to fight this, to live to watch her grandchildren grow and enjoy them. The doctor’s words “stage 4….no cure….radiation….” echo off the walls and deflate hope with each bounce. I don’t want those words to have energy that feed this diagnosis. I want positive thinking to prove a miracle can happen.

Abraham-Hicks is bold enough to say that positive thinking is all one needs to turn one towards complete health from any condition, nearly immediately. That sounds so bold, and I want to believe it, and yet it seems to fly in the face of reality. And yet….and yet….friends tell me of surprising results when doctors suddenly couldn’t find a tumor when they were ready to operate. All that changed is the person remained positive and didn’t get discouraged by the doctor’s diagnosis. Miracles happen and I’m really hoping this can be one of those miracle stories. I also know it’s not all up to me, even though I’d like to be able to do something that will help make a difference.

There are those who say Reiki goes towards a person’s highest good, whatever that may be. It’s so vague. And then there’s the aspect of setting intention to drive the energy toward a specific goal. That’s the opposite. Which is true? I’m not sure. Probably both. And I also don’t have knowledge of what a person’s highest good is. Sometimes this is challenging. I often ask for “the healing that is needed” and add that “any lessons attached to this healing be gently received.” I trust in the higher powers to translate this intention into reality for the recipient. This leaves the challenge of explaining or reconciling what the outcome is to the goal of the healing. Is it really in one’s highest good to remain sick or get worse? I don’t know. I hope not. There are those who say that one has lessons to learn in this lifetime, or karmic debts to pay that are lived out through one’s experiences. I don’t know lots about this personally, so I listen to those ideas and take them in, weighing them against my own gut feelings. Suffering can be so hard to understand.

I’ve felt that it’s my path to continue to offer and teach Reiki healing. It is a niche that I’ve fallen into and it’s fit me so well that I’m merged with it. I receive emails from students and clients about how much the Reiki has helped them feel better. This is my validation. This is my signal to keep doing what it is I do. I can’t give the scientists and skeptics who challenge me more of a concrete answer than that. There are literally hundreds of people who I’ve shared energy with that are grateful and received relief from receiving or learning Reiki. This keeps me going. This renews my faith every single day.

So despite not knowing what the energy will do, where or how it may specifically help a person, or knowing if it will or won’t trigger a miracle, I keep on sharing it. I keep on believing in the power of Reiki.

The combination of trust and intention are keys to the process.

Thanks for reading.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt

Waiting

I finished writing my first novel recently. This is a big accomplishment because after I started it and wrote the first 130 pages, it sat in my computer, unfinished, for a year and a half. I just didn’t have time or creative energy to get back to it, until the end of this summer. Now I have.

It’s not about Reiki. What? On my Reiki blog I’m posting about something not Reiki related? Wait, (ha! you have to wait!) I’ll get to the point eventually.

I started it as a blog, creative writing outlet, and it’s actually biblical fiction on the story of Adam & Eve and their experience as parents. I studied the story a lot during my graduate program, and always had a fascination for how much is left unsaid in the biblical account of the first family. I mean, you see nothing of Adam & Eve’s experiences as parents, nothing of how their kids were as kids, and don’t get to find out anything about the family dynamics or what happened when they discovered Abel dead and Cain gone, etc. So I started writing little character monologues one day, and continuing the story from different character’s points of view, and after a while my blog posts were getting 300 hits and 25 comments. The blog server failed, and luckily I had backed up my posts, so I put them together and worked on continuing the story as a novel. It was a great creative outlet for me and fun.

So I finished it, and it turns out that it’s a little too short to be a novel. It’s a novella. So here I have a biblical fiction novella – not an easy thing to market. I started querying agents and publishers, and have begun collecting rejection letters.

But last night I received one email expressing interest in reading some. An e-publisher asked for a partial – that means 50 pages – in response to my query. I sent it off, hoping that they will come back and ask for the rest. The story really grows as it continues, even past the first 50 pages, and the character development does too. I kinda wish I could send the last 50 pages, you know?

This process, along with everything else in my life lately (i.e. my husband’s ongoing job search, my Reiki class offerings waiting for registration), seems to be an exercise in patience and surrender. I’ve sent the pages off. Now I wait again. My husband has sent his applications in, and had some phone interviews even. He waits for the phone to ring. I’ve set up my Reiki class offerings. Now I wait for people to register. AAAGHH! Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Feels like it’s all about waiting. I know logically that it’s better to do what you can to enjoy the present moment than to be focused on what is coming down the pike. I mean, my hubby was home all summer, and we did lots of family things. Yesterday was our 13th wedding anniversary and we went out to lunch while the kids were at school. We’ll take our youngest to the playground in a little while to let her run and play in the sunshine. All should be lovely, right?

But how do you get your thoughts to stop wondering what’s going to happen and when? How do I stop the constant wondering when the phone will ring, when my email will come in, and when things will stabilize in my life? Chances are, there will always be something coming next – something to be waiting for – and if I don’t get this wondering and waiting in check I’ll never be able to live in the moment and truly enjoy it.

I’m always wondering how to stop the noise.

I’m going to work on meditation more – make time to incorporate it into my daily life because that’s what I would tell my students if they present this same issue to me. Stop, I would tell them, take time and tune in and quiet the noise. I need to follow this. I know it. Blogging here about it has helped me focus on an answer. Sometimes just the act of sitting and writing can help because I’m just letting the words flow. Okay. I have a plan. I’m going to go and meditate.

Ahhh. I think I feel better already.

OM.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt

So Much to Learn, Where to Turn?

I’ve been thinking lately of all the things I want to learn to help myself grow. There’s a lot. And it feels a little overwhelming, actually, knowing there are so many choices and I only have a little bit of time these days to spend on reading.

I’m reading Ekhart Tolle’s A New Earth which is truly enlightening and transformative. I can only read a little at a time, though, because it’s a lot to digest. I’m taking away the idea that facing the aspects of one’s personality that comprise the ego – recognizing them as an observer – is a means to removing oneself from being driven by them. It’s really fascinating and I recommend this book to anyone interested in looking at one’s life with a discerning eye.

I also want to learn to read Tarot. I have a set of cards, and a book about it, but haven’t yet gotten far enough to attempt to try to understand one card from another.

A close friend is studying Huna, and what he’s shared with me has ignited my interest in this Hawaiian healing art and philosophy. So I want to learn more about it, and feel pulled in that direction.

I also want to lend more time (or even some) each day to meditation and self healing. I don’t do enough of this, and I know it would benefit me very much in the areas of energy clearing and intuitive growth.

I feel torn between these things and the minimal time I have to devote to any of it, and wonder which would be the best thing to concentrate on. It can feel overwhelming. I guess the best thing is to finish one at a time. Growth can’t be rushed, which is probably the biggest message in all of this process….

Patience. That’s what I always need to remind myself at times like this. I need to have patience. The time will present itself to learn what I need to learn. I wish sometimes that I could stop the rest of my life and just focus on all of these things at once, but it doesn’t work that way. I have a hunger for knowledge and growth that doesn’t like to be patient. But I need to.

I suppose all will balance and in time I’ll get to everything. Most likely more things I want to learn and do will come along as I’m getting from one thing to the next. It’s a growing list, but that’s okay. It’s good to have new things to learn and more waiting. Growth is a continuous process. So is patience, apparently!

Patience is something I really need these days for other aspects of my life. Since the end of April, my husband has been searching for a job. The search continues, and we remain positive that something will happen soon. Patience. Also, I’m starting to query book agents and publishers with my novel, which I just finished. Now I wait for responses. Patience again. I’m waiting to find out if the enrollment will be high enough for my Reiki courses to be held. Patience. It’s not a word I like very much, and it’s never been easy for me, but what makes patience possible is trust.

I have decided to have trust that things will all work out as they should. Whether my husband will get a job here, in VA, or in Utah, things will work out. Maybe we’ll stay and maybe we’ll sell the house and move. Whatever happens, it will be for the best, and I trust the Universe, the Powers That Be, Source, the Angels, whatever, that the best interests of my family will be arranged. It is this trust that helps me have patience.

Some people would call it “faith.” Maybe trust and faith are the same thing. I am not sure. I’ve never considered myself a “person of faith.” Trust seems to be easier – just telling myself that it’s all going to be fine has a calming effect.

Then there’s “surrender.” That is also a kind of trust – just saying that I’m going to just BE in the moment and not worry about what could happen. Just dealing with today – the now – is part of what I’ve been learning from Tolle’s book. It takes practice, because I find that planning gives me a sense of security. And sometimes I find myself trying to plan for many different scenarios, and I get caught up in the “what-if’s” before I know it.

Patience, trust, surrender – these are the lessons I’m working on. Who knew that deciding what to read next could get me here?

Peace.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt