Growth


Lately, I’ve had the feeling that I need to learn more.

My main goal is to be the best resource I can for my students. I want to know things, yes, but most important, I want to be able to teach from experience. This is my highest goal, because it’s not about giving instruction, it’s about being able to teach authentically. I have learned that anything that I can do, I can teach to others. That’s because I know that any abilities I may have are those I learned – I am not one of those “naturally psychic” or “highly intuitive” people from childhood. I didn’t “suddenly discover psychic abilities” like many, either. I’m coming from the place of a muggle (to use a well-known literary reference) – someone who didn’t know anything before, and learned everything I know deliberately and on purpose. The advantage that this gives me as a teacher is that I have been very aware of how I learned the things I can do, and so I can guide others to the same outcome via my path. As part of my teaching skills, (some of which are my natural “talents” if you will), I am able to see ways to help people get from here to there. Have a goal? I can put together steps for you to reach it, and explain them clearly to you.

But back to the topic.

I’ve been feeling that I need to know more to be a better resource – not just know-intellectually, but know-experientially. A funny thing happens when I feel guided. Guidance doesn’t come to the surface of my conscious mind on a straight path. It tends to manifest itself through my actions until I become aware of what I’m doing and think it over.

So I realized that I’ve been buying books lately. In the past month, whenever I’m at a book store, I’m walking out with three or four. At one of the expos I went to, I saw a book I wanted, and I took a picture of it on my phone, and later ordered it through Alibris.com (a discount online book store), along with another book. My bookshelf has gained about 10 new friends, all about psychic experiences, intuition, grounding, Higher Beings, Angels, and energy healing. “Oh,” I thought, “I need to learn more.”

But it’s not just book learning I need. I need to get a handle on what I’m capable of, so I can be a better teacher and stronger lightworker altogether. I need a teacher.

So I started thinking about what I need from a teacher. Do I need to take a class? Do I need to go to a workshop? Do I need tutoring? I came to the conclusion that I need a teacher who will take me one-on-one, for a weekend or a long day, sit me down, present me with a task, and say “do this” with a little instruction. I learn by doing. I try things, they work, I realize I can do them. I need someone who will show me what I can do by simply expecting me to do it. And there are so many things I think I could do if I only knew a little bit more about how, and had someone to take me through it.

I’ve thought that I can interpret angel cards well. But every time I think of buying a deck of angel cards or the like, I feel overwhelmed and unsure. I’ve had the feeling that I could sense the energy of objects, but I’ve never done that before and don’t know exactly how. I’ve thought that I’d like to hear guidance and angels and earthbound spirits more clearly, but I need a little push in order to fine tune my connection. And probably more stuff that I’m not even aware that I can do, that I’d like to know how to try.

So I figured out what I need. Then I asked the Universe to show me who should teach me, and indicated that I’d be willing to travel if that were needed. Then I dropped it and waited. I’ve learned not to “oatmeal the Universe.” That’s a little phrase I coined based on what one of my kids sometimes does to me. “Mom, can you make me some oatmeal?” “Okay, honey.” I get started making oatmeal. She interrupts, “Mom! Are you making me some oatmeal?” “Yes, dear, I’m getting it.” I continue to prepare the oatmeal. “Mom? Can I have raisins?” “Yes, honey, I know you like raisins.” “Mom? Is it ready yet?” “No, not yet.” “Mom? Can I have cinnamon?” “Yes, dear, I’m getting the cinnamon…” By now, I wish she would just quiet down and let me do what she asked me to do without interrupting me a dozen times while I’m getting it for her. If she’d look, she’d see that I’m setting up her place settings, getting the ingredients into the bowl, stirring and preparing what she asked for. She doesn’t have to keep asking me. It’s being done.

This translates to me continuing to ask the Universe over and over again for what I want, what I need, please please please, blahblahblah while the Universe is, the entire time, putting things into place for my highest good, and if I would just shut up and look around, I might notice that things seem to be getting there. The little details that indicate that something is happening would be more obvious if I would just quiet down, observe, and be patient. Don’t oatmeal the Universe. It’s a nice little reminder for me. Go ahead and adopt it if you feel it would work for you too.

And so…
Last night, my mentor, friend, and teacher, Connie, emailed me. In the middle of our email conversation, she suddenly wrote, “I hope you don’t mind me saying, you are at the point where you need some further instruction in order to prosper both inside & outside family & the business” and she invited me to her house in Columbus for a day and overnight so she could help me move forward. We chose a date. I feel answered.

I love it when that happens.

Oh, and regarding the books I bought, two things:
1. A friend reminded me recently that having all those books and no time to read them isn’t a waste. Just picking up a book and turning to a page and reading where my eye falls can be the right advice at the right time.

2. I’m going to soon add a section to my website called “Alice Recommends” where I’ll list and link to products, services, and programs that I fully endorse for their value, all of which will have been useful to me at some point in my own growth. A number of these books, as well as some of the most amazing teachers I’ve met and learned from, will be featured on this list for you to choose from also if you’re drawn to them.

So again, I am thankful for the opportunity to recognize my guidance, follow it, and excited to find out what will happen next. May this work for you too. I’m glad for the chance to share my experiences with you all, in hopes that they can be of help to you.

Thanks for reading and being along for the journey.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt

The Lull

I have lots of new things in the works. A network of energy workers that meets once a month, called The Energy Network, starts this coming Sunday. A new Reiki for Parents class starts locally this Saturday. A new section of the online virtual classroom Reiki Awakening Energy Healing Certification Program starts Oct. 12. And I’m starting to plan a Reiki Retreat for May 13-15, 2011. I have the location and a contract, and lots of ideas. So the ideas are flowing, plans are in place and in progress, promotion for the classes is out there. Now I am waiting for registration to come in.

My husband, Evan, had a second interview for a position that could potentially be a good fit for him. He is waiting for the call about whether they will offer it to him or the other candidate they were considering. That call is supposed to come today, but so many times the people say they will call on such-and-such a date, and they call days or even weeks later. Plus if they offer the position to the other candidate, it’s unclear whether he will receive a call or be left to assume it wasn’t for him. More waiting.

This is the hard part for me, and has always been my challenge – waiting. How do people do that? How do people wait for things to happen and stay calm? I have an influx of “what ifs” going through my mind as I try to plan for every possible scenario.

I know, I know. Be in the moment. Isn’t that what I advise everyone else? Just be. Surrender. Let it go. You’ve done all you can do. Now the Universe will bring you the students. The Universe will arrange Evan’s perfect job at the perfect time. All will fall into place.

But I’m standing on the precipice, waiting. And the phone is quiet. The email is bringing in ads and email newsletters that I wonder why I subscribed to (or if I did). I should be busying myself with other things so I can keep from thinking about it too much maybe. (Hey, maybe blogging about my feelings will help to soothe them. I think that’s why I started this one. I’ll let you know if it starts to work.) Part of me feels like screaming, actually. Not too cathartic yet.

I can do some self-Reiki. That helps for a little while. I know, I know. Be, surrender, let it go. Good words. Hard for me to hear right now, even from myself.

So I ask myself what will happen if…

  • No one registers for my class. I will have to cancel it. Then I will question why I keep doing this. Was it the timing? Was it the audience? Was it the marketing? Was it the content? Was it the fee? Was it me? If the Universe has given me this path (and it still feels like it is my path), and I’m marching on it full speed ahead, why aren’t the students flocking (or at least enough of them to make a class happen) to fill them (and why do they always seem to come at the last minute, putting me through this horrible repeated wondering and creating a run-on-sentence problem?)
  • No one comes to The Energy Network meeting. I will sit there wishing people had come. Then I will wonder why people didn’t show for this opportunity to share an hour and a half talking about energy healing, their practice, and giving and receiving energy. Was it the timing? Was it the audience? Was it the marketing? Was it the cost (I think it’s very reasonable but what do I know)? I feel somehow guided to make connections and offer a supportive and open place for those who work with energy to mingle and share. Why hasn’t anyone preregistered?
  • No one registers for the new Certification Program. I’ll cancel it and wonder all the same things as above.

This waiting time is hard enough to have me wondering if a steady job with a steady income is a better choice than this life. My heart is deeply entrenched in Reiki work. I literally left a full time career to do this and resolved to dedicate this year to building my Reiki practice. I suppose this is no time to wimp out. The ideas are still coming, and I am running with each one as my head tries to keep up with my feet. My heart screams in protest when I consider changing direction again, even for a few minutes. Even my freelance writing work is unsteady, as I wait for new projects, or wait for payment for those I’ve completed. I blame the waiting for creating all this doubt. And also some tension about waiting for Evan to land that perfect position that he needs to help ease our money issues and make the waiting and planning easier on my end. It’s a money flow issue, which I know I’m not alone in facing, given the state of our country’s economy right now.

But it’s all about waiting. And how to do it gracefully. I’m rather awkward at it, even still. Two weeks ago, acupuncture helped me with this. I know that Reiki can do the same thing. I admit that it’s hard to get myself calm and quiet by myself to apply Reiki, except at night when I’m falling into bed. During the day I feel like running around and doing something and it’s hard to slow down my body or my mind for long. Excuses, excuses, my inner self chides. Yeah. I hear ya, inner self. Ok.

Breathing. A good start. I am now going to take three deep long breaths. Here. Take them with me. 1…..2……3. Actually that helped. After I post this blog, I’m going to go take a shower and Reiki the shower head so I’m receiving a shower of warm Reiki with the water. Okay. It’s a plan. I’m even going to continue with this mindful breathing at least once per hour, three times. I think I always need to know something I can DO while I’m waiting that will make the waiting easier, if I’ve done all I can otherwise. I have a new notebook for jotting down my ideas and I think I’ll get started on making a list.

I close with a song. “The waiting is the hardest part.”

Have a good one. Breathe with me today. Thanks.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt

Be Here Now

There is always, it seems, a balance to be mindfully walked. Balance between action and patience, balance between faith and action, balance between surrender and preparing. They are all related, and all a part of my life lately. The tough part is deciding how much of each to put into the mix for the right amount. I think the right amount is achieved when one feels at peace, knowing that one has done what is necessary and then is able to surrender the outcome to the Powers That Be, the Universe, God, Spirit, Source, whatever one chooses to name the Divine power in his or her life.

Finding that balance can feel like walking a tightrope. I truly think that the feeling of being at peace is the answer to whether one has accomplished it. I struggle often to get to that, as I think many do. But it’s worth it, because life is much easier in those moments when one has that sense of being centered, calm through the stress, not affected by the anxiety that could be crushing.

In my life lately, there is the direct challenge of putting this into practice. My husband is going to be on his way to Virginia at the end of next week for a final job interview in person at a hospital. This is a great opportunity for him, and it means a huge change for our family should he accept an offer from them. I support him being in a great job, wherever it takes us. There are many things that we would need to do in order to make it happen, and we could get swallowed by the to do list and freak out. I have decided not to do that. We are waiting until he has an offer, and then will sit and calmly make that long, long list, and get started one thing at a time until we are there.

And also, if he doesn’t get this job for some reason, another will certainly work out for him. He has other interviews lined up, and many applications in, and things are beginning to happen from those. The unknown factors and ongoing money issues are enough to cause hyperventilation, but deciding not to go there, to instead live in THIS MOMENT NOW, have been the answer to enjoying life so much more.

Living in the now – this moment – not in “what if” or “but it might not” or “what are we gonna do” land – is the key to being open for the opportunities to present themselves. It is the way to deal with everything while avoiding anxiety, and staying balanced. Breathing, and being aware of the spaces between the breaths, helps me remember that I’m here, now, and not in my head worrying about everything. I don’t have control over whether this job offer will come. I only have control over what I’m doing right now, this moment.

It doesn’t mean being inactive or giving up. It means doing what you can, one thing at a time, and not worrying over what’s next, down the road, what might happen, what might not happen, or over-planning. I have consciously chosen to live in the present, and it does take effort, but little by little I’m doing it. The benefits are tangible. I used to be very anxious, a worrier. Now I’m moving out of that mindset and feeling more able to enjoy things.

I’m enjoying playing with my kids, talking with my husband, and getting my work done. I’m sure more benefits will realize themselves as I bring presence more and more into being.

Try it with me. Several times a day, stop and focus on 10 breaths. Just be tuned in to your breathing, and count each one if you want. Observe how it makes you feel when you return to what you are doing. It’s basically a mini-meditation that you can do several times a day, which brings you to the present moment, and calms the mental chatter. While you’re breathing, try to take full breaths – from deep down in your abdomen. Many of us breathe shallowly throughout the day. A full breath is cleansing, and increases circulation and oxygen flow to the brain. It’s good for us.

I know that there are big changes ahead for my family, and I’m ready. I’ve put out there that I want the best thing for our family to happen, the best opportunity for Evan to be his. Now I’m allowing the Universe to make it happen, and doing those things which I can do now, one at a time.

Reiki helps me also with this. When I am sending a healing, attunement, or doing self healing, I am only focused on the energy flowing, and it brings me to the present. It is centering and balancing, and feels wonderful. I think that everyone should have Reiki in their life as a tool for self-awareness, healing, and helping others. Everyone is capable of learning to connect with Reiki, and I am blessed to have the ability to teach people of all ages how to access Reiki energy. It is easy to learn and instantly available. If you’d like to know more, please click here to go to my website.

As for the next developments, I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Peace.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt

Waiting

I finished writing my first novel recently. This is a big accomplishment because after I started it and wrote the first 130 pages, it sat in my computer, unfinished, for a year and a half. I just didn’t have time or creative energy to get back to it, until the end of this summer. Now I have.

It’s not about Reiki. What? On my Reiki blog I’m posting about something not Reiki related? Wait, (ha! you have to wait!) I’ll get to the point eventually.

I started it as a blog, creative writing outlet, and it’s actually biblical fiction on the story of Adam & Eve and their experience as parents. I studied the story a lot during my graduate program, and always had a fascination for how much is left unsaid in the biblical account of the first family. I mean, you see nothing of Adam & Eve’s experiences as parents, nothing of how their kids were as kids, and don’t get to find out anything about the family dynamics or what happened when they discovered Abel dead and Cain gone, etc. So I started writing little character monologues one day, and continuing the story from different character’s points of view, and after a while my blog posts were getting 300 hits and 25 comments. The blog server failed, and luckily I had backed up my posts, so I put them together and worked on continuing the story as a novel. It was a great creative outlet for me and fun.

So I finished it, and it turns out that it’s a little too short to be a novel. It’s a novella. So here I have a biblical fiction novella – not an easy thing to market. I started querying agents and publishers, and have begun collecting rejection letters.

But last night I received one email expressing interest in reading some. An e-publisher asked for a partial – that means 50 pages – in response to my query. I sent it off, hoping that they will come back and ask for the rest. The story really grows as it continues, even past the first 50 pages, and the character development does too. I kinda wish I could send the last 50 pages, you know?

This process, along with everything else in my life lately (i.e. my husband’s ongoing job search, my Reiki class offerings waiting for registration), seems to be an exercise in patience and surrender. I’ve sent the pages off. Now I wait again. My husband has sent his applications in, and had some phone interviews even. He waits for the phone to ring. I’ve set up my Reiki class offerings. Now I wait for people to register. AAAGHH! Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Feels like it’s all about waiting. I know logically that it’s better to do what you can to enjoy the present moment than to be focused on what is coming down the pike. I mean, my hubby was home all summer, and we did lots of family things. Yesterday was our 13th wedding anniversary and we went out to lunch while the kids were at school. We’ll take our youngest to the playground in a little while to let her run and play in the sunshine. All should be lovely, right?

But how do you get your thoughts to stop wondering what’s going to happen and when? How do I stop the constant wondering when the phone will ring, when my email will come in, and when things will stabilize in my life? Chances are, there will always be something coming next – something to be waiting for – and if I don’t get this wondering and waiting in check I’ll never be able to live in the moment and truly enjoy it.

I’m always wondering how to stop the noise.

I’m going to work on meditation more – make time to incorporate it into my daily life because that’s what I would tell my students if they present this same issue to me. Stop, I would tell them, take time and tune in and quiet the noise. I need to follow this. I know it. Blogging here about it has helped me focus on an answer. Sometimes just the act of sitting and writing can help because I’m just letting the words flow. Okay. I have a plan. I’m going to go and meditate.

Ahhh. I think I feel better already.

OM.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt

So Much to Learn, Where to Turn?

I’ve been thinking lately of all the things I want to learn to help myself grow. There’s a lot. And it feels a little overwhelming, actually, knowing there are so many choices and I only have a little bit of time these days to spend on reading.

I’m reading Ekhart Tolle’s A New Earth which is truly enlightening and transformative. I can only read a little at a time, though, because it’s a lot to digest. I’m taking away the idea that facing the aspects of one’s personality that comprise the ego – recognizing them as an observer – is a means to removing oneself from being driven by them. It’s really fascinating and I recommend this book to anyone interested in looking at one’s life with a discerning eye.

I also want to learn to read Tarot. I have a set of cards, and a book about it, but haven’t yet gotten far enough to attempt to try to understand one card from another.

A close friend is studying Huna, and what he’s shared with me has ignited my interest in this Hawaiian healing art and philosophy. So I want to learn more about it, and feel pulled in that direction.

I also want to lend more time (or even some) each day to meditation and self healing. I don’t do enough of this, and I know it would benefit me very much in the areas of energy clearing and intuitive growth.

I feel torn between these things and the minimal time I have to devote to any of it, and wonder which would be the best thing to concentrate on. It can feel overwhelming. I guess the best thing is to finish one at a time. Growth can’t be rushed, which is probably the biggest message in all of this process….

Patience. That’s what I always need to remind myself at times like this. I need to have patience. The time will present itself to learn what I need to learn. I wish sometimes that I could stop the rest of my life and just focus on all of these things at once, but it doesn’t work that way. I have a hunger for knowledge and growth that doesn’t like to be patient. But I need to.

I suppose all will balance and in time I’ll get to everything. Most likely more things I want to learn and do will come along as I’m getting from one thing to the next. It’s a growing list, but that’s okay. It’s good to have new things to learn and more waiting. Growth is a continuous process. So is patience, apparently!

Patience is something I really need these days for other aspects of my life. Since the end of April, my husband has been searching for a job. The search continues, and we remain positive that something will happen soon. Patience. Also, I’m starting to query book agents and publishers with my novel, which I just finished. Now I wait for responses. Patience again. I’m waiting to find out if the enrollment will be high enough for my Reiki courses to be held. Patience. It’s not a word I like very much, and it’s never been easy for me, but what makes patience possible is trust.

I have decided to have trust that things will all work out as they should. Whether my husband will get a job here, in VA, or in Utah, things will work out. Maybe we’ll stay and maybe we’ll sell the house and move. Whatever happens, it will be for the best, and I trust the Universe, the Powers That Be, Source, the Angels, whatever, that the best interests of my family will be arranged. It is this trust that helps me have patience.

Some people would call it “faith.” Maybe trust and faith are the same thing. I am not sure. I’ve never considered myself a “person of faith.” Trust seems to be easier – just telling myself that it’s all going to be fine has a calming effect.

Then there’s “surrender.” That is also a kind of trust – just saying that I’m going to just BE in the moment and not worry about what could happen. Just dealing with today – the now – is part of what I’ve been learning from Tolle’s book. It takes practice, because I find that planning gives me a sense of security. And sometimes I find myself trying to plan for many different scenarios, and I get caught up in the “what-if’s” before I know it.

Patience, trust, surrender – these are the lessons I’m working on. Who knew that deciding what to read next could get me here?

Peace.

Reiki Awakening Reiki blog by Alice Langholt